nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
