I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
