I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
