Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
