Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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