My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
