Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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