That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
