saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
