In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
