There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
