If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
