Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
