Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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