I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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