I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I touched a dick in church today
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
