Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
even my farts smell like vagina
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
