there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
