you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
