Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
