I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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