Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
