I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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