I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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