woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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