Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
