You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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