well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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