i just google imaged poop.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
