For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
