I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
