You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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