I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
