all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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