he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
