I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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