ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
