Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
