her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
