i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
