so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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