ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
