I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
