Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
