I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wish you could order shots online.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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