So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
