went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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