I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
