the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
