Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
