it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
