In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
