Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
