My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
