u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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