I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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