The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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