last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
