You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
