My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
