I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
