I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You pole danced in your parka.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
