She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize