Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
