i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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