Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
