Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
