I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He shit in the fireplace
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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